I don't understand why I care about Z. anymore.  I've moved on, or I thought I had.  I mean I'm married to a good man whom I love more than anyone in this world, and we have two completely wonderful kids. So then why on God's green earth do I care about Z.  Why do I care whether or not he lied to me before.  I mean it matters to me, I don't know why, but it does.  If he lied to me before then I can never trust him again and there's no way we can ever truly friends. I love him like he's my best friend, I mean we have history, but I'm finding it increasingly hard to trust what he tells me.  Back then he told me one thing and now he says something different.  Which am I suppossed to believe?  What exactly am I suppossed to do.  Tim, my husband, suggessted that I just shut Z out of my life completely, but I'm not sure I can do that.  Not yet, not without knowing the truth about everything.  I need to know the truth because I think that's the only way I will ever truly be ever to move on.  Z touches a part of me that no one else can touch, he makes me smile even in my darkest times, and he's the one I turn to when Tim doesn't understand me or hurts me.  But I'm not sure if Z lied to me, if he did then I'm not sure how I can ever move past that. 

But then again I guess I could say the same about Tim, I mean he lied to me too, he lied to me about Z 4 years ago to get me to put him out of my life, then he waited 2 & 1/2 years before telling me the truth.  We were already married by the time I learned the truth, and I forgave him, because at the time I didn't see no point in worrying about it.  But now that Z and I are friends again I can't help but wondering how many other times Tim has lied to me, and how many times Z has lied to me.  I mean the two people in my life that I trust the most have both lied to me in the past and I'm just wondering if I can truly trust either of them ever again.  Yes I'm married to Tim, but I just can't help but wonder what he will do this time to get Z out of my life.  He says that he's past Z and realizes that we're just friends and that he doesn't mind us being friends, but I can't help but doubt him.

I've been lied to way too many times that I'm starting to doubt anyone.  God, if anyone has any suggestions I would grately appreciate them.  Please comment me with your suggestions because I'm starting to doubt everyone around me.