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Excerpt from my novel

Everyone Please Comment, I need the feedback, so please let me know what you think, and if there's anything that should be changed...

Thanks!!! 

 

 "So what are we doing here?" She asked not sure if she really wanted to know the answer. She sat on his coffee table across from his dark brown sofa were he sat resting his arm on the arm rest. He sat there dressed in his favorite American Eagle jeans with knee ripped out due to the fact that he has worn the jeans time and time again, his camo t-shirt fit his body perfect, showing just a little pit of his tattoo of his initials. Elana sat there staring into his blue eyes wondering what she was doing here with him, she knew it was wrong to be here, her gut was begging her to leave now, but her body couldn't move. She found herself drawn to Zane once again, and now her heart was telling her to stay for just a little while longer.

"It looks to me like we're sitting here talking." Zane replied back to her with a sly smile. He knew how to get to her, and he loved it almost as much as he loved her. As he sat there watching her pull her strawberry blond hair back away from her face he realized just how beautiful she was. Her pink camisole slanked over her body showing off her beautiful curves, and those jeans looked so tight that he wondered how she managed to walk.

"Zane, what do you want from me? One minute you act like you want me out of you life, then you say you want me in it, and now you ask me to come over here so we can talk. What exactly do you want from me? Do you want us to be friends or do you just want to give up on all possiblilities of us ever being friends? Please make it clear to me, because this back and forth crap that we've been doing is driving me crazy." Elana said nearly begging him to answer these questions. Zane leaned forward and grabbed her hands into his as he rested his arms onto her knees.

"You know what I want Elana. You know I want you and you know that I've wanted you for so very long." Zane said as he placed his hand under her chin and drew her face to his and gently kissed her lips. As they kissed he wrapped his arms around her as he pulled her onto the couch with him as he kissed her more. At that moment Zane wanted her more than he had ever wanted any woman in his entire life. His body throbbed for her as he held her in his arms kissing her and wanting every part of her.

Elana kissed Zane again and again, she loved the taste of his lips, yet she knew it was wrong. She was married to Travis, yes there had been some problems between them, but she was still married to him. Even though she knew it was wrong she couldn't pull herself away from the taste of Zane's sweet lips. She wanted more, but she couldn't, she couldn't betray Travis so she managed to pull herself away just as Zane was about to remove her camisole.

"What, what's wrong?" Zane questioned looking puzzelled.

"What's wrong is that I'm still married" She said, trying to figure out what she was going to do now.

"I thought the two of you were getting divorced?"

"No Zane, we're trying to work things out, but you and I making out isn't making things work with Travis."

"I want you Elana, I don't care about him, I want you. I want you with me, I want you by my side everyday, and I want you in my bed everynight." Zane told her trying to convince her to stay. But he knew she wouldn't stay with him, he knew she would run home to her husband and kids. He knew that she would never be his and this sickened him. "You know what, you're right, you should make things work with Travis. All the pleading with you wouldn't change anything because you're going to run home to him anyway."

"Zane, I'm not trying to hurt you, God this is hurting me too. Zane, I....I love you, I do, but I love my husband, and I made vows to him, vows that I intend to honor. I would love to be with you but I can't...I just can't...I don't even know what we are anymore. We tried to be friends, but yet somehow we ended up here on your couch making out. Somehow I ended up loving you." She turned around and looked at the door while fixing her top then turned back to Zane, "I should go. Maybe we can talk later." she said as she picked up her satchel and headed towards the door.

"Elana wait." Zane said walking after her. She stoped with her hand placed on the door knob as she was just about to open it. Zane came up behind her, he stood so close she could feel him breathing down onto her neck. "Elana, I love you too. We'll talk later." Zane said to her and then he placed a gentle kiss on the back o her head as she opened the door and walked away. As he stood there in the doorway watching her drive away he knew she was never coming back, and he knew he'd lost his chance with her. Zane closed the door and walked back into the living room, there he saw the couch were just moments ago he was lying with her kissing her sexy lips. There on the floor next to the couch layed her black blazer that she had forgoten. He picked it up off the floor and held it in his hand. He sat down on the couch still looking at her blazer that he held in his hands. She was a beatiful woman, he thought as he smelled her scent on her jacket. It smelled of rose petals on a spring day and he loved her scent, but it only made him long for her more.

Zane wished Elana was still here with him, he wished that he could have her with him everynight. He wasn't after sex with her, he wanted her, every part of her. And it was a different feeling than he had ever felt with any other woman in his life. He'd liked many women, he'd been with many women, to many for him to count. But with Elana it was different, he was actually in love with her and had been for such a long time. He tried so hard, so many times to put her out of his life, but he couldn't forget her and he couldn't stop loving her.

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Reliving Memories

RELIVING MEMORIES:

I don't wanna think about you anymore

I don't wanna think about the memories

So I down another shot of vodka

Trying to forget all the pain.

All the pain you've caused

All the lies you've told

The memories are beginning to unfold.

The pain I've caused him

And the lies I've told

All because I wanted a friendship with you

And in the end

I fell in love with you.

So down goes another shot of vodka

As I try not to relive the memories.

Here's to the memories

They weren't that good anyways.

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Old Memories
Old Memories:

Memories can be so very mean.
They are so hard to forget
And just when you think you have
They come creeping back into your mind
Just wasting precisious time.
It can make you go crazy
Wondering why now?
Why do these old memories come back now
When you think you've finally moved on
When you think you're finally free from the past
Why do these old memories come back now?
Memories from years ago
Memories that were locked away
So many memories,
Some that caused so much pain.
Feelings that go with these memories
Feelings that should never exist.
Feelings that you've tried to lock away
Yet somehow they keep coming back
Everytime these old memories come back.
The curse of memories.
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For You
You
I could say so many things about you
That honestly you wouldn't want to hear them all.
I hate you
Yet I care for you.
I want you out of my life forever
Yet, I still want us to be friends.
I'm contradicting myself
Everyday I'm changing my mind.
It's crazy,
But I'm letting you control my life.
One day you say we're friends
The next we're not even on speaking terms.
When I comes to you
I'm honestly confused.
Look at the way you treat me.
This back and forth banter
That you've got going on
Is driving me crazy.
I hate you for this
But unfortunatley,
I still care for you.
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I hate drama
Okay, so I was doing so good, putting Z~ out of my life until yesterday.  What happened yesterday?  Well I'll tell you.  I was online looking at a friend's new pictures that they had uploaded to their webpage.  So anyway, as I was about to comment one of thier pictures I noticed another picture, this one was of Zack.  Now I have seen Z~ & many pictures of him, and it's never bothered me, but this picture of him was different.  It was a new one, but in his eyes I saw a shadow of a man I once knew, a man once cared about, a man I once loved.  GOD!  This is crazy, it was like when I saw that picture all of the old memories came flooding back.  I hate feeling like this.  I was doing so good without him, and I feel like I'm being pulled back in.  There's always so much drama when he's in my life, but at the same time, I sort of want him in my life.  When we're good, we're real good, but when things are bad, they're horrible.   AAW!  I hate going through this drama with him.
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Quiz

1. Do you like fish (to eat)? No, i'm allergic

2. Do you have fish (as pets)? yes

3. Do you chew gum with your mouth open or closed? closed

4. Do you make popping sounds with your gum? sometimes

5. Do people tell you to chew with your mouth closed when you think you already are? no

6. Do you spit on the sidewalk? no

7. Do you blow your nose in restaurants? no

8. Do you blow your nose in the sink or shower? no

9. Will you try to talk your way out of a ticket after being pulled over? yeah

10. Do you call the policeman "sir" (if it's a male policeman)? yes

11. Do you eat avocados or think they're gross? they're gross

12. Do you complain about things more than your friends do? no

13. Do you say sorry when you accidentally bump in to someone? yes

14. Do you try to talk down marked prices at a regular store? no

15. Do you find yourself doing weird little quizzes? yes

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Finally Free

FINALLY FREE

 

I'm finally free

Finally moved on

Forgotten you

All those old feelings are gone.

I look at your picture

And all I see

Is a man I used to know

Part of a man you used to be.

But we've both changed

And both moved on

I'm finally free

Now that the past is dead and gone
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My perspective
I think i'm learning that it's not always worth the trouble to let someone into your life and most importantly your heart.  Sometimes all you get in return is heartache, pain, confusion, and stress.. People use you until they get what they want,and then they move on to someone else while you're left sitting in a dark corner wondering why if this person loved me did they hurt me so badly.  You're wondering if it was worth leting them into your heart.  How could you have given them second & third chances and yet they still continue to hurt you.  It's just not worth it sometimes.....Sometimes you're just better off saying fuck you and moving on.....
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Tortured By These Thoughts

Sitting here on the sofa

Listening to a Fallout Boy CD,

Trying to drown all these thoughts in my head.

Thoughts that drive me crazy

And at the same time

Make me angry & sad.

I need someone to talk too

But there's no one here to listen.

So I sit here alone

Drowning myself in my thoughts.

Some thoughts of you

Some thoughts of him

And how you've both abandoned me.

No I'm left without you, my husband

And without someone who I thought was a friend.

It's like you would rather be with you're friends than with me.

And my so-called friend

Avoids having me in his life.

So I sit here alone

Trying helplessly to drown out my thoughts

With the lyrics to this song that's playing.

I'm being tortured with these thoughts

There's a war going on in my mind.

The music stops

But the torture goes on.

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Afraid

I'm afraid to walk away from you

Afraid to walk away from the possibility of soul mates

Afraid to walk away of the possiblity that you may love and care for me

The way I have loved and cared for you.

I'm afraid that if I walk away

I will lose what could have been.

But that's the problem

We're not anything

It's all in my head

I have these feelings for you

But you don't reciprocate them

So why am I so afraid to walk away?

Why is it that when I try to

I get pulled back to you

Why does my heart break

From missing you?

Why do I give a damn

I'm afraid to move

Afraid of losing you.

But I never really had you

We never were friends to begin with

So what's there to be afraid of?

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